Disequilibrium

“Disequilibrium brings change.” I am not sure who said it first. My mother? My sister? I don’t remember. I just remember how true it seems and how often I say it.

I love the days that run smoothly. All the planets seem aligned and peacefully in place. I feel a harmony of my soul and my contribution to my environment. I feel a strong sense of purpose and direction. There seems to be a balance in my spiritual core.

Then there comes a day when things just don’t seem to go as well. It isn’t in the realm of mistakes or problems. It is deeper. My core is alert, not at peace. Things around me seem out of sorts. I may laugh and ask if the planets are out of alignment or if there is a full moon. My sense of direction is confused because I am confronted with many choices-all of which could bring on changes in my life and in the lives of others. Perhaps others around me are making those choices and those actions affect me; yet I cannot control those decisions.

My first instinct is to feel some concern. I sense that things are happening around me that I do not control. Perhaps I have to admit to being somewhat of a control freak. I will say I don’t think so, but my core will laugh at me. I do like to know what is going on, where I am headed and how I plan to get there. I am chagrined with ‘loose ends’. I have to spend a lot of energy letting those loose ends stay flying frantically around out there is space. I want so badly to tie them down. Tie them together. Tie them to a new item. Anything that has to do with closing the open loop.

But my second, more spiritual self, tells me to sit quietly. Let those loose ends fly. Do not be troubled by them. They are not my responsibility and the item that will meet that loose end is coming in due time.

Recently I have sensed great disequilibrium. All around me are new choices. Close to me are changes. Several people I love are preparing to pass on to their next journey.

While I don’t know the full meaning of why the disequilibrium is occurring; I have learned my lesson to listen. Be still and pay attention to what I am supposed to hear. Disequilibrium means change. The change will occur, I don’t make it happen. I just listen for the whisper of my journey’s direction and join it.

“Listen! When the lips are silent, the heart has a hundred tongues.” Rumi

 

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2 thoughts on “Disequilibrium

  1. This makes me reflect on the years that Christy wanted so much to have a child and was faced with one miscarriage and then another and another. As a mom, that is a boo boo that I can not put a band aide on and try to make it better. It was heartbreaking to see her suffering. I remember going in many directions in my mind, trying to figure out what could be done. Then I had this verse whispering in my mind, Psalms 46:10. Be still and know that I AM God.

    Today, we are blessed with three beautiful granddaughters. The first was adopted at age one day old and will be celebrating her 12th birthday this month! The other two Christy gave birth to.

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  2. Wow, that is so beautiful! I agree, scraped knees, surgeries and such we can help heal….broken hearts require their own internal, gracious, healing! Thank you for sharing. I imagine they are all beautiful..inside and outside- cause I know the family that surrounds them! Your loving heart is indeed a healer.

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