A Year

So much can happen in a year. A day can be busy. A week can be full. A year can change your life. They are all made up of moments.

One year ago today, my son was diagnosed with stage IIIb cancer. He didn’t live close by. I wasn’t there when the doctor told him. I was 2000 miles away connected by some unseen electronic air wave cell phone line.

He made it. He went through chemo/radiation pre-surgery. Then a 15 hour radical surgery and then follow up chemo. We traveled by air to be there. To touch. To love. To cry. To encourage.To hope. To fear. To despair. To move into another day.

PET scan showed no cancer. Celebration!

Yet…this day brings back haunting emotions. Life is very short. We all live one phone call away from very sad news. Life changing ¬†information.

My philosophy? Live each day without regret. Love. Forgive. Don’t try and be perfect.

The Dance

“The moment in between what you once were, and who you are now becoming, is where the dance of life really takes place” Barbara de Angelis

I have two regrets in my life.

1. If I ever made anyone feel bad for how they believed (there is a risk that could have occurred having come from such a conservative fundamental religious background)

2. that I didn’t dance sooner. (that same religious group believed it was wrong to dance–unfortunately I followed their teaching for many years)

When I let myself dance, I found that it was almost like meditation for me. I have three sisters who were very supportive to me while I was going through the separation and divorce from my husband of 31 years. They had always danced and encouraged me to go with them. I had no idea how much fun it was to dance!

When I moved with the music, all I had in  my mind was the flow of the music and the response of my body. All other stressors went away. Dance was exercise, de-stressing and fun! why or why did I wait so long to experience that?

There are many quotes about dance. Here is another,

“When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.” Wayne Dyer

And that is my philosophy. Life is the dance, it moves with rhythm, changes in timing, crescendos and refrains, occasionally it is cacophonic…. but it is always moving. I am trying to learn to listen to the music around me and in me. I love what Barbara says, “and who you are now becoming”. Everyday we are becoming someone. We change. We grow. We react and we proceed. We move, we might as well dance!