You Matter

“No matter how busy you are, you must take time to make the other person feel important.” Mary Kay Ash

We live in busy days. Even in retirement, down in sunny Florida, I like to grin and say, ‘I am very busy, so very busy today.’ That business may be reading, swimming, napping, walking-any number of activities that I originate and execute. Some say, it is my turn after living decades of rushed schedules and demanding deadlines. Always at the ready.

When I was young, I was a Beauty Consultant for Mary Kay Cosmetics. I met Mary Kay at a conference in Texas. She was a very gracious woman and when I was with her, she looked only at me. The glint in her eye and her smile were in harmony. She made me feel special and important.

Around that same time, I was in the habit of reading something inspirational in the mornings. I can’t remember the little book, or the title of the day’s thought, or who wrote it. But I remember the story.

The story was about people we see as we go about our day. The bottom line of the story was to imagine that every person has an invisible sign around their neck that says, ‘Please, help me feel important.’

That image imbedded itself into my heart. The feeling Mary Kay gave to me only enhanced that concept. I began to make it my goal to encourage others, and even if my interaction with them is brief, that some how, I might have provided some sense to them that they are important. That they matter.

“A person’s a person, no matter how small.” Dr. Seuss

“There’s a lot of people

Waiting….waiting….

“Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet.” Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Today, I am waiting for workmen to arrive. You know, they give you a window of time. Often, a BIG window of time.

Hmmm…what to do…..iPAD! That kills some time. Then, the phone rings-oh dear–they are running late. Tomorrow, they will be here…. and so it goes.

Waiting for furniture, or workmen is one thing. Waiting for a pandemic to go away is another. Waiting for a storm that blasts through one’s life is yet another. I used to wait for the storm to pass. After so many storms, I learned to just get into the eye of the storm. It is peaceful there! At least, for a moment.

Practice patience. I like alliteration. Peacefully practice patience. Please, peacefully practice patience. Eventually, my mantra assists me toward endurance.

“Endurance is patience concentrated.” Thomas Carlyle

Peaceful Silence

“Even in the most beautiful music there are some silences, which are there so we can witness the importance of silence.” Andrea Bocelli

We live in a loud world. Music. Television. iPad. 24-7 coverage from any electronic device. I find I have to consciously take time to find solitude. Not necessarily to discover a quite room. A room can be empty-other than myself-but it is screaming at me: mop the floor! start dinner! dust my surface!

America is in the final days of a presidential election. Not only do I have to contend with barrage of chatter, some of that chatter tries to tell me what to do, how to act and where to go. Solitude cries for my company.

I am reminded today, to seek opportunities for solitude-to be restored. Let my blood pressure return to normal and my thoughts to return to peace.

“Silence is refreshment for the soul.” Wynonna Judd

Departures

“There is a time for departure, even when there’s no certain place to go.” Tennessee Williams

My sisters have been visiting me and will depart today to return to their homes. Departures can be sad. Today, they each anticipate departing back to their homes and loved ones. This is a planned departure.

I am reminded of a couple times in my life when departures were not necessarily planned.

A friend used to say, if you are going the wrong way-TURN! You may not know where it takes you, but it will at least not be on the known wrong route! I was reminded of his wisdom when I read the above Tennessee Williams quote.

An unplanned departure is like walking through a peaceful meadow. Flowers swaying, fresh air to breath and sun at your back. Suddenly, your next step takes you down a deep hole. At first you are frightened and it is dark and you can’t see your way. You feel around you to get some sort of bearing. You creep along on your hands and knees, feeling all along the way to protect from a further fall or injury. You think perhaps you are trapped in a cave. Your breath quickens and your pulse races. You never expected to be in a place like this. You were happy and content – or so you thought.

As you creep along, you notice a very small light. You move toward that direction, and you realize that you are not in a cave, but in a tunnel! You will be able to escape!

I have taken such a journey. I decided that if I had to be yanked out of my life as I knew it, and had an opportunity to survive it, I would come out of my ‘tunnel’ new. If I came out the same way I entered, what did it benefit me?

“An involuntary return to the point of departure is, without a doubt, the most disturbing of all journeys.” Iain Sinclair

Garden in my Mind

“Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.” Albert Einstein

Sometimes I grieve the loss of my innocent, child-like perspective. Age and experience cracked my protective bubble of naivety. If I’m not vigilant, cynicism creeps into the garden of my mind like a weed. It can choke out an opportunity for a beautiful flower of thought or reaction to grow.

How does one fight against those negative, troubling thoughts? Other people, I assume, fight the same battle against the victory of the cynical stream of pessimism that can flood out a tender thought or action.

Perhaps one way, is to turn our focus from ourselves, or others and onto the wonder and nurture of nature. Nature can be violent, magnificent, and inspiring. It is always honest. I think that is why I receive so much restoration when I am in nature.

Last year, we visited The Key West Butterfly and Nature Conservatory in Key West, Florida. The Conservatory was full of beautiful flowers, butterflies, and birds. Melodic music played in the background. I thought I could stay there forever. Alas, we had to leave. But those smells, sights, and sounds remain in my mind. That visit added to the ‘garden of my mind’ that I visit often.

People, politics, pandemics, and economics can pull us into despair.

Today, I am inspired by some of Albert Einstein’s thoughts. They are worth repeating.

“Our task must be to free ourselves by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature and it’s beauty.” Albert Einstein

Safe Place

“Man learns through experience, and the spiritual path is full of different kinds of experiences. He will encounter many difficulties and obstacles, and they are the very experiences he needs to encourage and complete the cleansing process.” Sai Baba

There seems to be a common temptation to help others along life’s path. One might feel an eagerness to share what one knows, right? I ask myself, actually fairly frequently, when does ‘sharing’ become ‘bossing’ and, or, ‘directing’ others? There seems to be a very fine line between the two.

Perhaps ‘sharing’ is a response to a request for information or direction.

Perhaps ‘directing’ is pro-offering the information without a request.

Could it be that simple?

There have been many times in my life when I felt a suffering, or a broken heart, as I observed someone I loved struggle with an issue in life. I wanted to rush right in there, and let my loved one know how the issue should be handled. If I didn’t come up with the plan to direct another, there was always a person nearby who reminded me of that duty. Somehow, now making me feel guilty if I didn’t intervene and interject what that person should (the word I do not like!) do.

But, I remind myself-I do not know their life path. I cannot be aware of all that the person I am concerned about is supposed to learn in life. In fact, I could completely mis-direct by pro-offering my direction.

It does take patience and faith though. Mixed with kindness, support, encouragement, and tolerance. There could be a lot of stumbling along the way. I may not be able to prohibit the stumble, but one thing I can do is create a safe place to land. A safe place to find someone they can trust. A safe place to land when they fall.

“….choosing kindness is being more mindful about it, letting go of impatience and intolerance along the way.” Daniel Lubetsky

Chaos

“In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” Deepak Chopra

What an chaotic year 2020 has been for all of us….

For my young daughter, who lives in an assisted living facility, it brought an isolation that she has never before experienced. No touch-from anyone-since early in the year. Masks-6 ft apart-even from her grandmother who lives in the same residence.

For my Canadian friends, it brought a loss of a very successful business.

For others, it brought the loss of a loved one that passed in isolation.

For some, it brought a political storm that raises blood pressure and divides friends.

For me, it brought a change of life-not so much from Covid 19, or from the political struggles our nation faces in an election year-but from aging. My husband and I sold our historic home that we had been rehabbing for the last 15 years. I wrote a book about it, “Leo and the Listener”. We loved that three story 200-year old home.

Age and creeping disability, brought us to a point of change. We sold our home in Ohio, had an estate sale for all of it’s contents, and moved to a small town in south Florida. Three story to one story. 4500 some odd square footage to 1600 square footage. Pool in the back yard to support exercise and pleasure.

Pleasure—that’s the word we seek. How do we find pleasure in what seems to be a chaotic world? Pleasure in realms where our choices are limited?

First, make choices where you can. They may not be easy, but they may be wise. Change focus. Get your mind off the chaos and onto something else. If that something else can involve nurturing another, a soul, or any living thing, you get a wonderful opportunity to change that person, or that thing’s experience. And that brings pleasure.

Here, we worked for months on gardening. We got our first gardenia bloom yesterday. We felt great pleasure.

“I always see gardening as escape, as peace really. If you are angry or troubled, nothing provides the same solace as nurturing the soil.” Monty Don

Gaze at the Present

“Expecting is the greatest impediment to living. In anticipation of tomorrow, it loses today.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Anticipation is an interesting noun. It is one word, but can promote vastly opposing emotions. Anticipation can bring hope. Tomorrow will be better. It can bring the warmth of nostalgia as we look forward to a visit with loved ones.

Anticipation can also bring dread. A worry over a decision that may bring negative consequences. It can bring sadness as we learn of a loved one’s terminal diagnosis.

What is one to do? I don’t want to give up hope– “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul-and sings the tunes without the words-and never stops at all.” so beautifully said by Emily Dickenson.

I also do not want to dread potential-or perhaps actual – negative events that might, or will, come into my life one day.

I am once again, reminded to focus on the present. Glancing with anticipation can provide some pleasure, or perhaps the momentary sense of dread may be enough to make me cautious. But it would behoove me to GAZE at the present. A glance may occur before I can stop myself. Gazing is an act of the will. I can choose to move my glance into a gaze.

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Buddha

 

 

 

Kindness – Don’t miss your chance

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently I was walking along a beach looking for shells. I walked into the water where the water’s edge washed over my feet.  I had to exert considerable effort to maintain my balance with every reach of the waves. Bending over to reach those precious treasures was a challenge-if I pulled back too late, the wave threatened my balance.  My sun hat was securely protecting my face and shoulders.

It was nearing sunset and lovers were cuddled together on the beach anticipating their life of romance and adventure. Families with children were frolicking in the water, a lifetime of experiences awaiting them. As I walked the beach, I reflected on the wonderful life I have had and the years ahead of me. The past is known, but the future is not so clear. I am reaching the age when it is no longer my parent’s friends who are passing, they are mine.

As I walked along, a young boy came running up to me with his arm extended. I had seen him playing in the water with someone who might have been his father. His outstretched hand held a perfect shell. The shell was intact, with no breakage. What a find!

The greater treasure was his kind action. He must have seen me looking for shells. Just before he came up to me, I had reached into the water to retrieve what I thought was a perfect shell, but missed it. I gave the old ‘damn it’ fist swing and moved on. Perhaps he saw that. Perhaps he saw someone who reminded him of his grandma. Whatever inspired him to bring me this flawless shell was birthed from kindness. I will treasure that shell as it means more to me than the ocean creature it once held. It means kindness from one generation to another.

“There’s no use doing a kindness if you do it a day too late.” Charles Kingsley

                                               

 

Shouldering the Shame of Should

Every minute should be….

We should not give up…

A woman should be…..

A relationship should be…

You should fear….

I couldn’t come up with one quote this morning on this often used, directive, word: Should.

I don’t care for this word. To me, it carries the sense of duty-what is correct (by whose definition?) and often used to criticize an action, or a lack of one. “He should have gone sooner.” “She should have worn a jacket.” Perhaps this word needs to be placed in the ‘I am not going to use this word anymore’ pile.

Why place a feeling of shame on yourself, or on anyone else? Should, to me, carries a sense of shame. If you do what you should, you feel good about yourself. If you don’t do it, you are ashamed of yourself.

If we take the shame of ‘should‘ away, we could say: “I need to go to the store to get milk.” If I don’t go, I am not ashamed of myself, I just won’t have milk for dinner. If a person doesn’t wear a jacket and it rains, he/she will get wet.

Should is easy to creep into a vocabulary. I  had to delete several sentences as I had the word should included. I should get better at this! See…easy to impose what is ‘correct’ onto myself.

May your day be filled with possibilities of what you want to do, or need to do, but not what you should do!

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second is acceptance.”   Nathaniel Branden